The joys (and yes, the pains) of being a mother

Posted on October 20, 2007
Filed Under Parenting and Family, Pinoy Moms Network, Thoughts | Viewed 1095 times

I wrote this post last 17 October 2007 in the Editor’s Section of Pinoy Moms Network: Parenting Subdomain.

I used to write with furor—on the joys of being a mother, all of it JOY, sheer joy, to the extent that the joy becomes contagious, inspiring. And I have shared this joy to all the mothers out there who believed in all things bright and beautiful like myself.

Little did I know that at one point in my life, I would experience the other side of motherhood—its pains. And I was not prepared for it. It’s like, hey, I see it only on TV, and it will not happen to me. And when it struck, it HIT with such intensity, that I was almost crushed. Reality bites! I realized that motherhood is a vocation, an extreme sacrifice. For in motherhood, we do not only experience the laughter and the joy, we also suffer the pains, and bear them.

When my son and daughter-in-law lost their 6-week old son to SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome), everything came as a surprise. Just like anyone else who suffers the same misfortune—we were not ready. Call it a nightmare, call it a bad dream, call it anything—but just the same, a death in the family, especially of an infant is the worst that one could suffer. The pain is too much to bear that it seems like a part of me has died, but come to think of it, my pain was maybe only an iota of what my son and his wife, the real parents, felt. A pain unexplainable, a situation that is inconsolable, one ends up like crazy at one moment, a zombie in another, hysterical at one point, and in some instances, shocked.

During such moments of grief, moms are not to buckle down, as we are supposed to be the family’s anchor of support. I took care of my family’s grief, my grieving had to take a backseat, it had to come last. Through all these pains, I realized that physical pain, glitches here and there, stresses, and financial woes that come every now and then are all but simple bearable pains.

Each time I see my daughter-in-law cry, each time I see my son looking far with a blank stare, I feel their pain. A mother absorbs all—both joys and pains. For pain, a mother must be ready to travel along the same path with her sons and daughters, until the pain becomes lesser and lesser in intensity. A mother guides her sons and daughters to the right path. I am glad that my son and daughter-in-law, each time intense pain sinks in, or doubts come to mind, they turn to the Lord in prayer. Time heals all pains, with the grace of God…in His time.

This is the reason why MOMS have been given big hearts—to be able to absorb all the joys, yes even the pains, of being a mother!

Comments

19 Responses to “The joys (and yes, the pains) of being a mother”

Em Dy on October 20th, 2007 8:56 pm

It’s easy to say that time heals all wounds. We know that He has His reasons.
I also know that it is difficult to get through each day.
Your family is lucky to have each other.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Kyels on October 21st, 2007 9:27 am

Reality really bites and to only feel the impact of the pain is the person whom is experiencing the situation itself.

Mothers do have big hearts with can absorb all joys and pain at the same time. It is indeed tough; being a mother.

With the glory of God and Time, pain will be lesser and it will soon ebb away.

HUGS!
Leah on October 21st, 2007 2:19 pm

As in all grief, there are stages of emotions that we feel. acceptance being somewhere at the last step. Its good that they turn to God in moments of doubts and questions. And bravo for you for always being a MOM. Be strong Dine. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
Rowena on October 21st, 2007 8:51 pm

Hi Dine, am speechless, I also feel your grief. Rest assured you’re always in my prayers. God bless.
Tiffany on October 22nd, 2007 12:17 am

You can get through this, Sexymom! hugs
Kongkong622 on October 23rd, 2007 11:09 am

You’re right, all will be well in God’s time. And it is also through him that we are able to find solace and comfort in times like these. The pain will go away and in it’s place you will have memories that you can always come back to and appreciate. Wishing you all the best
rhodora on October 23rd, 2007 12:41 pm

Ah, this touched me so….
Aileen Apolo on October 23rd, 2007 1:10 pm

Hugs =)
Shari on October 24th, 2007 2:52 am

This post brings tears to my eyes. I’m not a mother, I cannot possibly understand how and feel what a mother feels, especially of one who lost a loved one, but reading about it – the grief, the pains – still pierces my heart.

I am so sorry for your family’s loss. hugs
MegaMom on October 24th, 2007 8:54 am

Hi Dine. Stay on, keep smiling no matter how hard. I’ve experienced something similar, when my younger sister lost her newborn baby, Regina Isabel, 7 years ago. The pain never goes away, but it does diminish and takes on a new dimension over time. And in due time, God will make His reasons known. I’ll keep praying for you and especially for J. Angelo and family.
annamanila on October 24th, 2007 3:01 pm

Keep on being a pillar of strength and exemplar of faith, Dine.

It will take time but it will get better and the business of living or making a livelihood can be absorbing and distracting too.

And hey, life has joys and comforts too. Be sure to open yourself to these too.
chateau on October 25th, 2007 10:03 am

Everything you said here is true, Dine. It makes us who have never experienced such deep pain and loss realize so many things. From now on, no task or problem or difficulty is too great.
And I agree with Annamanila’s last sentence. Choco kiss and we are just a few minutes away
Belle on October 25th, 2007 12:24 pm

Dine,

will keep praying for you and for Angelo’s family.

Hugs!!
Midas on October 28th, 2007 3:36 pm

I am very sorry to hear about your grandchild. Even if time will not heal the pain, it dulls it enough so we can function again. I wish your son and daughter-in-law peace of mind, even as they are in pain for their loss.
Mika on October 30th, 2007 2:57 pm

Hi Miss Dine,

I’m really sorry to read about this. I hope you and your family are doing well. I cannot even imagine what it feels like to outlive a grandson, but nevertheless, I admire your courage and big heart—I guess that’s the best thing about mothers, the capacity to love and bear everything.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
sssh on November 2nd, 2007 8:53 pm

my thoughts and prayers to the whole family.

this post reminds me how my mother felt when we lost my brother to leukemia… and now my sister had just one of her breast taken off…

i guess everything happens for a reason…

we’ll all get over this.

hugs!
Rach on November 2nd, 2007 9:06 pm

Hi Dine. I could imagine how hard your situation is and I admire the way you show strength to help your family during such a sad and difficult time. God bless.
sheh on November 6th, 2007 2:41 pm

God’s plan are so hard to compensate by our human mind, but to trust His heart are the easiest things we can do….