The Joy of Being A Mother — Raising Teenagers
Posted on May 1, 2007
Filed Under Parenting and Family | Viewed 1579 times
from my treasure chest of mommy moments memories… (originally written 8 years ago, but still holds true to this day).
“Can I have a crush?”, I asked. “Yes, but only Richard Gere or Leo deCaprio, because you are already married to Dad. You’re crazy as much as I am, mom”, was my 15-year old daughter’s response (or perhaps, sane in a crazy world). Who will not be, what with raising two teenagers, with personalities to the extreme opposites—a happy-go-lucky 14-year old girl and a too serious independent 18-year old boy, aside from the five other small ones.
You’ll know if your daughter has become the typical teenager when she graduates from Sweet Valley Twins, Nancy Drew, RL Stein, Goosebumps and classic pocket books and starts a collection of Sweet Valley High, Sweet Valley University , Clueless, Love Stories, etc. She would also prefer Seventeen, Cosmopolitan, Vogue, Victoria ’s Secret and JC Penny catalogues over the Readers’ Digest and National Geographic. She would discuss make up, latest trend in dressing, clogs, flared pants, boys, TGIS and Hollywood heartthrobs.
My relationship with my daughter is a very intense one—sweet, heated, and the bitter-sweet, as we really tell each other what we feel—but we always make up after each misunderstanding. We often spend late nights in my eldest son’s room, chatting, reading side-by-side, sharing jokes, exchanging poems or verses, sharing midnight snacks, while teenage daughter updates her class website, or while I do some writing.
My teenage boy has matured far differently from my teenage daughter. He is the silent, dominant, independent type of person. It was difficult for me at first to adjust to him as he has always kept to himself. But over time, perhaps both of us having mellowed, we have become best of friends. He has a girlfriend of five years, but this idea does not bother me at all. It would have been a normal reaction for me to be possessive, he being my eldest son, but this relationship has made him more open, responsible, and face the real world.
The teenagers’ instinct of a telephone ring is unbelievable, for sometimes you would not even hear a complete ring—they would race to the phone. It’s also amazing how they can concentrate on their lessons with either MTV or the stereo at its loudest, in between chatting in the internet, downloading e-mails, or fooling around with the smaller ones.
Changes do not happen overnight though. It takes time, months, years even, and before you know it, you have an entirely different person as a son or daughter, speaking a lingo far different from what you speak, and acting like “I would never have been like that during my time”. Yes, teenagers nowadays are different, and we have to catch up with them, otherwise, we will not be able to understand them. They are more vocal, open, inquisitive, sociable, sensitive to issues, independent, assertive, but still warm, loving and even dreamy. Still for them, the security of a family is very important.
One has to understand their lingo, like “EB” for eyeball, meaning to meet, or “getz” for “do you understand?”, etc., which are sometimes incoherent, and only they themselves would comprehend. Any English teacher would give failing marks for their slang, Taglish and slander of the English language.
Living with teenagers is a continuous struggle for parents, in terms of decision making, discernment and discipline. They would start interacting with the opposite sex, attend soirees, class nights, parties, debates, concerts, night outs, etc., but not without asking permission or calling, to tell where they are. It’s gimmickry to the max! It is a shift of attention from family to peers. An open communication is thus very important, and knowing who their friends are for company. The gadgets of modern day communication, like pagers, cell phones ease the parents’ stress of wondering where they could be.
My daughter explained to me once that girls being very close to each other would not mean that girls are gays. Their friendship is a bonding experience. It is important to respect their feelings and decisions. Like us, they want to be alone sometimes. My daughter was once crying on the phone, and since she would not open up to me, I let her by herself. Later on she would tell me what it was all about. I am not too hard with my teenagers. In fact, my patience can be stretched to the limit, with me trying to understand them as much as I can.
It’s okay for me for my eldest son’s friends to drop by, but I still do not know how I will react when guys start visiting my daughter at home. Sometimes, I catch her on the phone with boys! I tell her this has to wait, as her studies are her priority. I was brought up by very strict parents, and I know how it is to feel restrained. Deep inside, I rebelled, but being the good and obedient daughter that I was, I could only suffer in silence and wish that I had more understanding parents. I don’t want my children to feel that way, but it has to be a balance of discipline and understanding. I want my children to have a happy teenage life, thus I strive to guide them, which I do foremost by being a loving friend and an understanding parent.
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Dine Racoma is Sexy Mom, a Filipina doing what she likes best—writing, her passion. She writes freelance, does research, advises on new media, and manages a virtual assistance office for home-based jobs. A mother of 7 (what joy!) foremost, a wife, MIL, grandma to 2 pretty girls and an angel in heaven, sister, daughter, friend. Was in the corporate world for 27 years, the first 5 as Executive Secretary to an affiliate of the country’s biggest drug chain, and the last 22 as an international civil servant in an international development bank with HQ in Manila. Traveled extensively to many countries bringing about rich experiences and lessons learned to share with dear Readers. All these—in The D Spot
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Aha!
Kala ko una si BA to, “too serious independent 18-year old boy”
But then I was shocked with, “He is the silent, dominant, independent type of person.”
Conclusion: NOT BA AT ALL.
Well, we young’uns (tama ba? XD) realize too late that romance isn’t always what it’s cut out to be
And that sometimes, we really just have to wait our turn. Dapat mature na yung way of thinking if one plans to go into a relationship 
sexy mom: hmmmm. Raein, you’re learning…
I guess I’ll only know the joy of being a parent when I become on in the future tita.
[:
But I have a close relationship with mommy and we shared lots of secrets together as well. Too bad she is not here but 4 hours drive away from me!
sexy mom: considering that you are in KL, your mom’s very near!
hehe “can I have a crush?” I like that.
sexy mom: only if it’s Richard Gere…LOL
being married to his dad is a big deal to my lil boy, uumpisahan ko pa lang kwento ready na agad yung reminder _
I too grew up with strict parents, nagugulat nga ako how i came to be a hipncool mom to my children, pero siempre just like you may discipline pa din, and no spanking this time =(
Hope to see you again next time Dine!
sexy mom: maybe because it was really difficult to have over-strict parents, that as much as possible, we would not like our kids to experience the same trauma. Hope to see you again, Girlie!
wow, this post is an eye opener Sexy Mom. i used to think that raising infants and toddlers were the most difficult, being this stage the so called “foundation years”. but reading from here, i realized raising teenagers is indeed a challenge, much as raising younger ones.
as T. Julie once said in one of her recent post, “adolescence is a critical stage with the development of children…that this is a time when these children are “looking for their identity, their niche” and if they successfully go through this stage, they are more or less okay to face bigger and more difficult challenges as they grow older.”
sexy mom: same here, years ago, i thought that when the kids started walking, and pass through the toddler stage, i could already heave a sigh or relief, when in fact, it would be easier, because we still have a large degree of control over the situation.
as i was reading your entry, i couldn’t help but smile in agreement and ‘cos i can very much relate to what you were saying.
reading this entry made me understand my mom even more… like you she was raised by overly protective parents but she raised us with iron hands that bends with just the right amount of heat…
and its true, kids like us learn most when parents allow us to grow and find out who we really are not because of the rebel-hungry environment parents instill on us but because they guide us while we live our own lives.
and believe me us kids, always want our mothers to always be there kahit na kabaligtaran ng mga pinapakita at sinasabi namen.
it’s almost mother’s day… advance happy mom’s day tita! and hey! twas nice meeting you and the rest of the gang!
sexy mom: thanks, Jamie, i almost forgot about mother’s day!
Hi Dine! Got here through PMN. This made me go awww… It reminded my of my relationship with my own mom and at the same time gives me a glimpse of how it might be like when my own 3-month-old Mateo grows up. I hope I can be a cool mom myself
sexy mom: thanks, Andrea for dropping by. Am sure you will be a cool mom, Mateo is so lucky you are spending most of your moments with him, sans for a 3-hour teaching stint in between.
Dine,i see myself in you as far as raising teenage girls, a lot of similarities.
I am dominant.
AYBABTU!
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US
sexy mom: @#
a private joke, J Angelo? yah, you have always been dominant to your siblings, and they don’t mind at all.
I like this entry, somehow enlightened me on how to deal with my 14 going 15 girl. Hubby and I (more so with hubby) gets too harsh with her most of the time because she’s becoming too hardheaded and hard too handle. Yes, maybe we can’t accept the truth that our baby is fast turning into a lady.
sexy mom: and your babies, 14 and 15, are fast becoming like you, taking after your steps, Marie!
Kids do grow up fast.
I have kids. My eldest, at 9 years old isn’t fascinated anymore with Bratz, Barbie, Winxs stickers (like her younger sister). She wants magazines like k-zone, witch, etc. Sometimes i do wish they would stay as kids.
sexy mom: but they never can, esp the kids nowadays, how fast they change!
Yes, your Angelo seems to be the serious, responsible, no-nonsense type. (So I guess I will also take it seriously when he said he’d help me professionalize my blog—haha) BA seems to be more, well happygolucky, and relaxed. I haven’t met the others yet but i know how diverse and different they must be. Like mine. Kaya challenging talaga to be a mom .. yes especially to teenagers.
But I saw too how you related and bond with them—cool mom si sexy mom!
sexy mom: he is serious, Annamanila, but drywit, humor and all. without question—he will help you professionalize your blog as he has done with so many others. you have met only BA and JAngelo, who are 2 opposites. wait till you meet the others, and you will see the diversity—what a challenge indeed, raising these 7, but what joy.
that’s the trouble, as the older they get, the harder it is to control them …it’s the hardest time to be a mom, and I think you’re handling it very well
sexy mom: we’re all learning, you know!
I’ve always known the adolescence stage will be a tricky moment for parents. I’m bracing myself for it. So if you have anymore inputs specifically for handling teenage boys… Nag-request ba?
sexy mom: i guess i have to post a Part II (the now). i now have a new set of teeners, 2 boys (19 and 17) and 2 girls (14 and 16).
Hi Dine. Thanks for sharing this interesting post. It made me reminisce about my teenage years. I remember how my mom used to buy me hardbound Nancy Drew books. I don’t think the paperback version was already available back then. I also read those Sweet Valley High pocketbooks. My mom bought Mills & Boon pocketbooks for herself then one time I just tried reading it without asking her first then I realized it was more exciting.
It took a little convincing for my mom to allow me to read her books.
I have many fond memories of soiress, school fairs, high school dances and school parties.
The phone was my lifeline back then. I had monopoly over it but when my brother became a teenager, it was a constant battle. haha!
Time flies so fast but I’d like to cherish my son’s stage for now and not think about his future teenage years. I just hope when the time comes, it will be smooth sailing.
sexy mom: i, too remember my mills & boon days, but NO soirees, parties and phone calls (i was always left out—my parents, being very strict).
Parents all over the blog world should read this post. It is not always that you read blog posts with a lot of wisdom and real-life advices…great read Dine! you become sexier with posts like these.
sexy mom: oh, Junnie, you make me blush, a bit!
i hope to have the same kind of relationship that you have with your children with my son when he grows up. teenage years are one of the toughest not only for the teenager but for the parents as well, hehe im guilty of kinda (which means not really) giving my very patient dad a hard time then. and i had to laugh when u say a teenager is very keen when it comes to hearing the phone ring. so so true. =)
sexy mom: raising a teener is still a long shot for you, erlyn. i wish you safe delivery, God bless you!
Miguel’s turning 13 this year. I am so scared
Sniff sniff…
sexy mom: don’t be, dear!
yesterday, i saw a book “elf-help for parents in raising teens.” ikaw ang una kong naisip (bec of this post kasi i saw this already the other day), and my mom
i guess you dont need elf help. you could be an elf yourself.
sexy mom: nice one – ELFY MOM.
@Tiff: Akala ko rin ako!
@Mom: How old was I then? 10 years? Hahaha. Write a new one! Write a new one! You have more teens now.
Dali, before my last teen year ends
sexy mom: yes, BA, you were 10. don’t worry, Part II is coming out soon. the 2 teenagers 8 years ago have now graduated to young adults, now it’s your batch’s turn (19, 17, 16 and 14). oh, well! it’s still a joy raising you all up! lvy, BA
Hi Dine! I wish I could stop time and have my son stay like this forever. But your story also makes me want to rush time and experience life with him as a teen ager already =)
sexy mom: take your time, dear, it’s still a long way to go with Luis! enjoy the NOW.
Hats off to you Dine! I wish that when my daughter grows up I’ll have a relationship with her that is as respectful and loving as the one you have with your daughters.
My sister is 15 years old and I still understand her “lingo” so I still consider myself young at heart, but it will be difficult when my daughter is a teenager. She’s growing up in an entirely different culture and with a different first language (Swedish). I hope we can still communicate and connect well… 15 years from now, and beyond.
Aha! I can still relate to the teenage tech lingo :). I hope 10 years from now, I can still remember my own teenage years so that I can be good buddies with my daughter.
It must be quite a household with the teeners racing for the phone.
Hello Sexy Mom, I have also these feelings…...
About Kim, we are very closed and talks everything what happens in the school, with her friends, and her problems and doubts….......I think not all, but mostly…......in short we have a good togetherness…....
She also tell me her crush and her first love….presently they’re already separated….lol…thanks, she is still baby for me.
my son, na ja, I know he loves and cares me,...but so closed like Kim, no…......but he told me also something about his love affairs, school and his plan…......but I think not so as Kim.
Before I am strict to my kids, but later on, I think I must dance with the music…......
it is better I see both of them what they act, the way the dress-up, I mean see them here while going out from the house, I mean how they looks like, as when I hear to anybody that your kids is so and so…..act so and so or the face is so and so…..
I like and want too that they enjoy their childhood, not like what I experience or what I have before as I am still young and single.
Thanks for sharing, dine…......i think i have a little bit the same what you write here,
Thank you for posting this….....
i don’t think my parents didn’t have a difficult time when i was a teenager coz i never went out on gimmicks when i was in high school, not even in college (ok, maybe just a little bit hehe.) it’s just frustrating that when i started to work, that’s the time when they started treating me like a teenager! isn’t it strange? anyway it’s a good thing that it’s lessened by this time nyahahahaha. =)
don’t have a shild yet but my eldest niece is already on that stage
Wow – mother to 7 – you will know a lot about teenagers by the time you’ve finished! I’ve got 3 sons and always wished and i had had a daughter but people always say girls are far worse than boys as teens.
I could never have predicted how my boys would turn out as teens – and they are all sooo different. It’s an interesting journey!