Raising Stress-Free Children

Posted on March 13, 2007
Filed Under Parenting and Family, School, ACET, UPCAT, etc | Viewed 4744 times

I am sharing with you an article I wrote 8 years ago. Nothing has changed since then, except that now, the 7 kids are older—eldest is 26 and youngest is 10 years old. There still exists a happy, stress-free co-existence in my home.

Family in 1999 In this stressful,fast-paced world, what can be more fulfilling than to raise stress-free children? I have never heard of “child stress” in my younger years, but nowadays, it is a cliché. I have observed that one of the major contributing factors to child stress is the parents’ expectations and attitude toward their children. These expectations, whether expressed openly, hinted or implied would significantly be imbibed in children’s minds. Most of the time, children want to please their parents, and failure to do so, affects them in varying levels, to the extent of rebelling, at times as a self-defense mechanism.

Take the case of studying or schooling, which is our children’s major task. Sometimes, I hear of friends who would, especially during examination time, prepare questionnaires to review their children for the exams. Others even prepare daily lesson plans. Not that I criticize this practice (sometimes I even admire them for having the energy and goodwill), but come to think of it—is the half day (for the younger ones) or whole day in school not time enough for a child to learn? Most of us parents work nowadays. Would we still want to duplicate the efforts of the teachers in educating our children? Would we not want to spend the time with them for more fulfilling tasks?

We work hard to send our children to the best schools. Surely, the schools we choose are able to fulfill their terms of reference in educating our children. Our children can take only so much. If from work we still tutor them, would they not perhaps say to themselves, “I already had so much in school, now here comes my mom, repeating what I learned from my teachers.”? I guess this results from the parents’ insecurities that their children might not meet their expectations. I would perhaps do this if the schools my children go to are not good enough. Why then would I send them to good and expensive schools?

It is important that in their young years, children are given a degree of responsibility and independence. I have never tutored my children, but I help them in tasks where they have difficulty, although this happens very rarely. They have from the start been independent and responsible for their studies and homework—I don’t ever pressure them. They know that if they do not do their homework, they are responsible to what their teachers would say. Each child has his/her own study habit—some would do homework during their free time in school, some upon reaching home, some would delay until after watching TV. Study time is not structured, but every now and then I look into at least their assignment notebooks and schedules. They are also responsible for immediately informing me of their requirements for school supplies and materials, so that these are ready for the next school day.

Once, affected by some friends’ paranoia, I asked my younger children if they wanted me to supervise them in their homework and studies or to act as their tutor. Unanimous response – “NOooo mama!”

My eldest son who is now in college has developed his own disciplined study habits, while my eldest daughter who is in third year high school continues to enjoy her teenage years, at the same time, trying her best to keep passing marks. I’d rather see her happy, not necessarily having high grades, than stressed. Sometimes, she asks her elder brother to help in Math and Chemistry. My three children in grade school continue to be in the top of their classes, while my five-year old girl in pre-school continues to be carefree. She has started to read, courtesy of her seven-year old sister who, as part of their playtime, is a teacher to her. My two-year old toddler has started looking into children’s books and Archie comics.

My children look forward to coming home, playing and having fun. Children are children – and child’s play is equally important as education is in their development. My husband and I always look forward to coming home to a bunch of happy, beaming children. Playing with them is a therapy from the many concerns at work and family responsibilities.

Oh, the joy of being a mother.

Comments

27 Responses to “Raising Stress-Free Children”

mr nice ash on March 13th, 2007 3:13 am

it’s 3:15 already and you’re still up???

btw, i noticed a heart-shaped spaces. did you do that intentionally? i like it.
dexie on March 13th, 2007 3:17 am

as long as my son is trying his best, my hubby and i are happy. when he starts to slack off we try to encourage him and let hin know that we know he is capable of doing so much better. and of course the weekend XBOX privilidges never hurt
pining on March 13th, 2007 5:09 am

Yes, let children be children (even if I want them to be an Oxford or Cambridge scholar, that will be beyond my control)!I don’t think I’ll be a pushy mum even if I try to, and I applaud the way you reared your children! You are one cool mum (or mommy)
jhay on March 13th, 2007 6:00 am

A favorite stage play of mine is entitled, “Minsang Lang Sila Maging Bata” and that says it all for me.

I’ll remember this when I get to raise my own children.
noemi on March 13th, 2007 6:24 am

i don’t worry about their grades. My children’s grades belong to them not mine. So I am just there when they need me.
hazel on March 13th, 2007 1:02 pm

you are really a cool mom!
Kyels on March 13th, 2007 5:15 pm

I remember my mommy used to play flash cards with me; those alphabets and pictorial ones!

(:
hazel on March 13th, 2007 5:45 pm

sexy mom, link kita ha.
analyse on March 13th, 2007 5:56 pm

oh, you remind me of my mom. she’s a teacher herself, but she never tutored us at home. i dont know how she raised us but, like you, every child in the family has this sense of responsibility and independence.. now that im a mom myself, i would really love to raise my daughter like how my mom raised us.. but there’s just no formula, no magic potion… i hope that my love for my daughter will be guide enough to lead her to what will really make her happy in the future..

you’re a real cool mom and i love your method.
Shari on March 13th, 2007 6:11 pm

I salute you for being this kind of mother. My mom used to do reviewers for me when I was in preschool. Good thing she got tired of it. But I’ve always been independent when it comes to my studies. Never have I once asked my parents for help except when I need their moolah to buy something. I’m glad that they don’t pressure me to do things they know would only make me lose my interest more. =)

Maybe that’s why I’m kind of irritated with my brother. He’s already in grade 4 and doesn’t know and do anything for himself. sighs
benj on March 13th, 2007 8:21 pm

One of my biggest frustrations is that I will never have the chance to live in a big family. I only have one brother and he was born just 18 months after I was born so the whole Kuya thing doesn’t even apply. He addresses me by my first name. wahaha.

At this point in our lives (both of us have moved out to live alone in separate flats), I think we’ve been accustomed to being self-reliant when it comes to keeping the house clean, etc and we’ve taken our first few steps towards independence.

I would’ve loved to be an older brother to my younger brother who passed away 14 years ago – but that’s a totally different story altogether.

Many moms would envy you for the title of this article. I hope my mom could say the same thing about my brother and I. haha
kat on March 13th, 2007 10:34 pm

first of all, you really are a sexy mom! you don’t look at all like a mom who has 7 kids! kudos to you!

and i second your sentiments in this post. my parents never really pressured me (or looked over my shoulder) when it came to studies. i turned out fine for the most part. all kids needs is an offer to help and gentle reminder. a repeat lecture does not do any wonders and will only serve to harbor resentment.
vince on March 13th, 2007 10:44 pm

whoa, vintage!
Rach on March 13th, 2007 11:55 pm

Hi Dine. This is a great post. Education has become a series of things … there’s formal classes in school, extra curricular courses and recently there’s kumon. So many things to preoccupy our kids. I believe in guiding our kids with their homework and helping them study for exams but we should not forget to give them ample time to relax and unwind at home.

You are blessed with a beautiful family.
marie on March 14th, 2007 12:40 am

congratulations, you’re very lucky! pero mahirap magpalaki ng mga anak.
KK on March 14th, 2007 1:21 am

Thank you for sharing your cool style of parenting Sexymom.

My parents didn’t pressure me nor my older sister, the younger ones had to be helped though.

My 5 yr old daughter’s classmates in dance class are in Kindergarten and 1st grade, and their moms are telling me that they feel like they are doing the homeworks and review their kids when they take the exams. Over here, kids are loaded with too much homework.
And there are the parents who want to send their kids to IVY league and they think that if they push their B-student kids hard enough they can become straight A-students.
Atheista | The Progress Report on March 14th, 2007 1:57 am

[...] Be are the only ones with the hand on where and how fast the government would go. On the flipside, Sexy Mom gushes about her parenting style. It’s not nearly as conventional as most approaches, but you [...]
Flor P. Velasco on March 14th, 2007 8:15 pm

i fetched my daughter in the school at around 5pm today (March 14, 2007)...Inside the car we were discussing about her exams today and other exams for tmwr…My daughter was bragging that her exams were simple…I told her that you really study your lessons then…..she told me that it is her responsibility as a student to study well and make their parents happy…I was really impressed with my daughter…..
at around 8pm, i browsed your URL
and encountered Raising Stress – Free Children…I called my daughter to read it and she told me thats the one we are discussing Daddy….what a coincidence
Brent Williams on March 15th, 2007 12:57 am

I was reading your post about maintaining a stress free family. My wife and I have a 5 and 2 year old, and it is sometimes so hard to stay calm with the kids, and the schedules we have to keep, the weekends are much easier. I appreciate your insight, from many more years experience. I found help from some Kava Kava to stay mellow. Whole foods market sells this and talks about it @ http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/socialmedia/wholebody
Flori on March 15th, 2007 8:41 am

I used to think that my parents were the ones who pressured me to excel in high school. I felt that if I didn’t get an award that year, or if I failed to be in the top 3 of the class, I would be less of the daughter they thought I was. In some ways this was true, but eventually I realized that part of it was my fault too.

“I” wanted the honors and the medals. I was actually more afraid to disappoint myself rather than my parents. When I broke down, they didn’t berate me as I thought they would. They simply accepted the fact that I was less than perfect. They helped me to get over my loss and in the process I learned more about myself. I realized that I should’ve discussed the matter with them in the first place. It would’ve saved me a lot of insecurities and frustration.

If ever I have children of my own, I would still impart to them the value of giving one’s best in everything he/she does, but I would also let them know from the start that no one is perfect and I wouldn’t love them less for being human.
Jayme on March 15th, 2007 8:06 pm

Thanks for posting this!

I’m a soon to be mom to a healthy baby girl. I’m still a few weeks away from delivery but I’ve been having anxieties about parenting and how to raise my daughter.

Your insights are enlightening and inspiring.

I’m just starting on the road to motherhood and I wanna be a cool and sexy mom like you.
ghee on March 15th, 2007 9:23 pm

yes,thats true..before there`s no such thing as child stress and its now a cliche.

you are a super mom!congratulations for raising lots of kids
BA on March 15th, 2007 11:45 pm

My Mom did my homework for me once when i made lambing to her. BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

Wait a minute… YOU’RE my Mom!

Gusto ko ipost mo yung “How I became thinner” na galing dun sa ADB newsletter thing. Kasama dapat yung picture, pumps and blazer, and all. XD
haze on March 17th, 2007 1:56 am

I definitely agree what has been said here Sexy Mom !

I myself has been a witness of a stress free family too! My parents were very supportive in everything we did (4 children) ! The only thing they did not want us to do is indulge ourselves into drugs and bad acquaintances. Nor high expectations but more of encouragement. Thanks for sharing this and am sure this would be a guiding light to us all ! Have a nice weekend . Congratulations for having a big & beautiful family !
Bababa ba? » Blog Archive » Chronicle on March 19th, 2007 12:13 am

[...] recently, after releasing her 8 year-old article Raising Stress-Free Children, she had “opened her treasure chest of mommy moments memories” to share amongst her [...]
vk on March 23rd, 2007 6:23 pm

Hi Sexy Mom,
I agree with you, too…....

for me too, it´s hard to help or tutor my 2 kids, first of all the Languages they are using here…...

What i do is Pray that my Kids in the right way and responsible of themselves, and Pray to God, that they have something in their Brain….that anybody can´t take it from them…...

“It is important that in their young years, children are given a degree of responsibility and independence. I have never tutored my children, but I help them in tasks where they have difficulty, although this happens very rarely. They have from the start been independent and responsible for their studies and homework—I don’t ever pressure them. They know that if they do not do their homework, they are responsible to what their teachers would say. Each child has his/her own study habit—some would do homework during their free time in school, some upon reaching home, some would delay until after watching TV. Study time is not structured, but every now and then I look into at least their assignment notebooks and schedules. They are also responsible for immediately informing me of their requirements for school supplies and materials, so that these are ready for the next school day.”

Thanks for sharing…........

Congratulations….. YOU are really a Good and Perfecct Mom…....
vk on March 23rd, 2007 6:29 pm

by the way this word: “NOooo mama!”

i always heard this from them…...when i asked, can i help or can I help something or do you need some tutor?.........

They only says, “Thanks, mama, thank you that you are always with us…...”

I am happy to hear this….....that is why, i try myself that when my kids ist zu Hause….i am at Home….......