Parenting Lessons: How a great father showed love to his children despite being frequently away

Posted on September 4, 2008
Filed Under LIFE, Parenting and Family | Viewed 320 times

I am sharing with you a beautiful and touching Eulogy of a daughter—her father has wonderfully made his love and presence felt to his family, even if he had to be frequently away on business trips. He saw his children grow up. Time and space were not reasons for him not to know the whereabouts, happenings and “feelings” of his sons and daughters. I was witness to this—James Adam Lahren was my boss in my first 5 years in the international development bank where I worked for 22 years, and I truly learned a lot from him on parenting. For him, it had to be FAMILY FIRST. Bless his soul.

Quote (highlights mine):

My father’s life was in many ways the realization of the American dream. Born in 1935 in Livingston, Montana, he experienced a modest and simple childhood. However, he was often missing and failing in school. At some point in high school he realized his future was through an education, and from that moment on, never looked back.

His focus early on became his lifetime goal – educating and training other teachers. His reputation quickly grew and soon his work began taking him all over the world not only as a teacher but as a diplomat and humanitarian as well. His work took him to 19 different countries ranging from Algeria and Bhutan to Laos and the Tonga. His experiences there contributed to his incredible range of world knowledge. From repairing cyclone ravaged Bangladesh, to providing Pakistani children with their first textbooks, Dad found happiness and success in improving the lives of the people he worked with. He presided over 50 aid projects in the areas of health and education all while taking a genuine interest in truly knowing the places and the people he visited. When I think of the number of lives he touched, I am overwhelmed with pride and admiration.

Dad was truly a world citizen. Astute, yet humble, he enjoyed moving freely through countries and was often mistaken for a local. He refused to don a bright white American smile. In fact, he said it kept him safer to have a few teeth missing. My poor mother had to put up with his toothless grin.

He loved sharing stories of his adventures through his art, antique and carpet collections. Only when you traveled with him did you realize how many shopkeepers, gemologists, antique dealers and even royal families he knew personally. His collections have fascinating stories behind them and are daily reminders of the extraordinary things outside our borders waiting to be discovered. Dad never wanted to stop exploring. Two months before his death, even when he could no longer type, he was still lining up consulting assignments.

He was an exceptional father who somehow successfully balanced career and family. Although he was often far away, when he was home, he was fully present. As children we all felt very close to him because he lived right in the moment and always made time to sit, relax, and listen.

He never lectured us. In fact, just the opposite. If he had an American Indian name it would be “Man of Few Words.” Favorite expressions included “do it yourself” and “don’t believe everything you hear.” Overall, our father encouraged an independent spirit and for us to learn our own lessons. If he did preach, it was to “be thankful for what we had.” He provided so well for us, with so little, all while working among people who truly had nothing. We learned a lot of lessons by his example. Watching us navigate through our lives often with a raised eyebrow, curious how we would handle our adversities, our father always hoped for a sensible result.

Today there is a bit of “Dad” in each of us-

In Jim, my eldest brother, are his good looks, soft-spoken manner, work ethic and not so funny jokes

In me, exist his love of school, travel, independence, easygoing nature, and bottomless spice and condiment collection

In Linda, his love of shopping, gift for cooking, ability to get up and just go, and love of adventure flourish

In Tricia, are Dad’s good taste, love of art, and appreciation for the finer things in life

In Ted his love of the movies, practical jokes, and interest in strangers were evident

And in David, our father’s charisma, love of music and lack of fear shined.

Unfortunately, his insatiable sweet tooth afflicted all of us- chocolate, nuts and cookies…may ultimately do the rest of us in.

We’re a tightknit family and because of this we’ve bravely weathered the tragic and untimely loss of our two younger brothers. We got through those times with and because of one another. Now with Dad’s passing, we take great solace in knowing he had an extraordinary life as a world citizen, husband, grandfather, and father to a family of whom he was very proud. We will carry him with us always.

I’d like to close with a thank you to my mother. If it weren’t for her care and encouragement, Dad would not have hung on after his cancer diagnosis. He would have opted for no treatment like his father and favorite Uncle Alvin. The Lahrens are known for great health, longevity and avoiding doctors. Yet, because of Mom, Dad fought for two years with a positive attitude. We all learned yet another lesson from his example.

Benefiting from his presence for two extra years and the chance to be with him through his final days, we continually were reminded how lucky we were to have him as a father.

Ultimately, Dad left us peacefully, and hopefully he’s not here with us listening but basking with my brothers in Bali – his version of Heaven. Thank you.

Funeral 9:00 am August 29, 2008, Saint Brendan the Navigator Catholic Church, Holden Beach, North Carolina, Written & Read by Missy Lahren

Unquote.

Here is his Obituary.

Comments

3 Responses to “Parenting Lessons: How a great father showed love to his children despite being frequently away”

Rach (Heart of Rachel) on September 6th, 2008 11:45 am

He sounds like a wonderful man with strong sense of love for his family and career.
annamanila on September 6th, 2008 2:14 pm

Beautiful and touching eulogy of a father by his daughter, with so many lines I want to highlight with a virtual stabilo bos. Like—he was away most of the time but was fully present when he’s not (or something like that). And yes, there’s a little bit of dad (and mom) in all of us. Tsk … that makes me think what of my dad to I have in me. Hmmmm .. nice to blog about.
vk on September 8th, 2008 2:26 am

Rest in Peace…Amen—