Feeling all alone, but not too long from now

Posted on July 25, 2008
Filed Under LIFE, Parenting and Family, Travel | Viewed 202 times

It has been 1 year and 9 months ago that I have taken early retirement, and almost 2 years ago that I had my last foreign trip. So used was I to traveling alone the past 15 years such that traveling to Singapore, Bangkok and Hongkong, the places where I stopped by for in-transit were like what my friends in Beijing called, a “trip to Cubao”. Something like traveling was just routine.

This morning, I left for Dagupan City, then Baguio City (details to be given later) for the first time—alone. This morning was the first trip outside Manila that I took without any family member with me. And it dawned on me that suddenly, I WAS ALONE. Suddenly, I felt the same emptiness in my heart, the very same feeling that I had 18 years ago, on my first official trip to Pakistan. I was a naïve traveler at that time, when it would cost a fortune to make a 3-minute call to family. I was not ever sure if the Internet had already existed then.

Bangkok was my first stop, then a few days in Karachi, then Islamabad. I was so lonely at that time, and I was counting backwards the 10 days that I had to stay in Pakistan before I joined hubby in Bangkok then Hongkong before coming home. The next foreign trip was after 3 years, then the trips became so frequent that I have become so used to traveling, leaving my family behind. Anyway, I told myself, those trips, though many and frequent equated to dollars and the lures of travel. Additional money for the family’s comfort. I could have even called myself a semi-OFW.

Right now, I feel that open gape in my heart I felt 18 years ago—I sorely miss my loved ones. I didn’t expect that I would feel this way. The luxury and comfort of Manor Hotel cannot even compensate for the feelings that I have. Tomorrow, I will be back to the real comforts and warmth of home where I truly belong. Just 10 more hours, and I will be back home.

Comments

7 Responses to “Feeling all alone, but not too long from now”

aMgiNe on July 26th, 2008 1:44 pm

10 hours is surely much better than the 10days before tita dine. take care going home =)
amymd on July 26th, 2008 3:13 pm

Oh, Dine, that is exactly how I feel everytime I attend meetings or conventions that will separate me from my family for 2 to 3 days. That’s why I go with my hubby if he has a meeting and vice versa. We also bring the kids if possible. That way we nobody will be feeling lonely. =)
ba on July 26th, 2008 10:11 pm

Pagkauwi mo nga kanina parang yung unang panahon lang eh. Hahahahaha. Parang nagmission ka lang. :p
Mox on July 27th, 2008 12:05 am

yun ang na-feel ko last night, wala ka sa usual place mo.

para kang nag-mission ulit, and na-sad ako
figlia on July 27th, 2008 1:51 am

hi. i was just browsing the net when i came across your blogs and actually enjoyed reading them…but this one really made an impression to me…i somehow know how it feels to travel for assignments overseas but because we travel by team, its a whole lot different experience to deal with a variety of personalities! especially when home sickness kicks in…hay naku! from excitement to frustration,to somebody who’s already contemplating on swimming across the atlantic just to get home!haha we all get a good laugh out of it once were back in Manila but while we were there everything we did that seem funny now was like the most reasonable thing.well, i just admire and appreciate more the courage of the OFWs who’d really take it all for the love of their families.

well,thanks for writing beautifully and for inspiring others to do the same.keep it up. God bless!
mixednuts on July 27th, 2008 4:32 pm

Oh yes every time I travel without hubby or the kids I get lonely and can’t wait to get home. We have great family to come home to.
vanidosa on July 27th, 2008 6:01 pm

Have a safe trip dine! Yeah true, travelling alone without hubs and the kids seems so empty.