The D Spot

I am posting this letter that I am writing to my 3 daughters, Pauline (who had her 2-day retreat last week) and Chato (who will have her 3-day retreat from today ownward) and Mox (who will have hers very soon).

Dear Pau, Chat and Mox,

My three daughters, best friends shall I say?

Chato and Pau—who grew up together almost best friends (born 2 years apart), despite being opposites in many ways. Mox is at least 8 years older, but you 3 seem to bond very well, Having you three is indeed a blessing.

I still remember the time, Pau, when you were born—you had fever on day 1, I was so mad with your retinue of doctors, I thought they were just using your case as an experiment, I had to be on my toes at all times, questioning each new set of tests, procedures, etc. We had to leave you in the hospital for a week because of some complications. It pained me so much to see you in tubes, then leave you. I didn’t mind the daily trips to the hospital just to hold you and feed you and be with you. What a great relief it was to me when the doctors cleared you, and we brought you home. All the time, until you were a few years old, I would still see the scar in your tiny hand where the doctors inserted the IV that you had for many days.

That was the time, Chat, that I was most thankful to you. For a breastfeeding mother, the first few days are the most painful—more painful than the after pains of a caesarian delivery, you sucked out the pain after Pau got what she had to. You have been breastfeeding continuously even when I was pregnant with Pau, then together with Pau when she was brought home. Maybe this explains your closeness with each other.

Remember Chat, when 3 years ago when you were very sick? When the doctor confirmed that you had toxic goiter, when you almost underwent radioactive iodine therapy? When you could almost not do anything physical? When we would count your pulse rate that was way past the normal rate? When we would rush to the hospital many times a week? When you would just lie in bed, not eating? Last stroke was when we went to Tiendesitas to cheer ourselves up that hot April summer, and we were stuck under the sun, no one to pick us up, no taxi in sight? Miserable, wasn’t it, we were both frustrated, but we didn’t give up. I knew at that time that you felt so weak. A miracle indeed—after a few months, you were declared healed by your new doctor.

It is with you Chat that I share the same language. Remember our poems? I can feel what you feel in every line of your poems. I knew when you were heart broken, I could feel it, even without you telling me. I know when you are happy, and I thank you so much for sharing your secrets with me. We are similar in many ways—the way you write, the way we do not both play the piano, and the way we are both quiet when we need to.  How proud I am with your achievements, your theater and leadership. And when you passed UPCAT, ACET and USTET, how very proud I was. You know what? Despite my telling you all the time not to be afraid about the results of the tests and that I knew you would pass, I didn’t know what to tell you if you did not pass. I was not ready for any pep talk, maybe I would have just cried with you. Now we wil dream together, we can make it happen—a doctor someday.

Pau, I know you didn’t give up on me—you are the independent one. With all your siblings getting my attention, you just hang on, even if I did not have much time with you. I didn’t realize till I went on early retirement that you are among the sweetest of them all, and very talented at that. Some of my friends who heard you play the piano while we were on phone asked the same questions—where did you have lessons? They would not believe that you learned on your own. Wait till they hear you play the guitar. And they should see you dance, and watch you with your pep squad. I realize now that we have been making up for lost time. You wanted me to be there on your pep and dance competitions, and I was there, your siblings were there. We rooted for you. You wanted me to be there during your prom night. I was so touched, while all your friends didn’t want their parents to be waiting up on them, you wanted me as though I were your security blanket. I didn’t go because I wanted you to experience the fun of junior prom.

Remember Healthway and KFC last week, Pau? First time we were together, just the two of us. Imagine, after 14 years? We both enjoyed it. I wish I could have bought you all the make up you wanted for your competitions and shows. Yes, you only wanted them, but you asked for only one. Your siblings say we are the look alike, I say no—you are much more beautiful! Inside and out, I may say. In many ways we are alike, remember how you call me crazy? And I would always say, “as crazy as you are”. We are both free spirited—If I could, I would do all the things that you do, dance, sing, play the music, and just laugh and laugh and laugh. As how you are with your friends, as how you are at home with your siblings. Your punch lines are always awaited, you are full of surprises! How I enjoy reading your short stories, your essays. You write so well, Pau, but still you feel that you do not.

One day you told me, that you would have wished I were strict with you—so that you would have been an honor student. Were you then kidding? There was no other way I knew to bring you up right. I wanted to bring you up and the rest of your siblings to be a happy lot. Look at your achivements, you are the best in math, and in chemistry and in many more ways. And compared with your classmates, you can take care of yourself. How proud I am of you, so very proud!

And finally, my Mox—lawyer to be. You are full of surprises, you know that? I knew you were serious with law school, but to be among the topnotchers in your graduating class? Girl, you make us all so proud. The both of us grew up together, me as a mother, and you as a daughter, a friend, a sister. Compared to your 2 sisters, I had you almost half of my lifetime. How intense we both can be with each other, but at the end of the day, we make up and make peace. I will write to you a longer letter on the day of your retreat, as I have a lot to tell you.

To you my pretty Pau, Chato and Mox—you are all so dear to me, and I love you, I love you, I love you.

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